tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC January 14, 2012 3:05am-4:00am EST
>> jimmy: oh! wow, wow, wow. i feel the love. thank you very much. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. [ cheers ] hey -- here's some election news. the republican candidates will have a debate tomorrow night at 9:00 p.m., and then wake up for another debate at 9:00 a.m. sunday morning. yeah. the candidates are expected to be tired and groggy, or as rick perry calls that, "100%. [ laughter ] i'm going to be ready, and i'm going to be -- oops." [ laughter ] this is nice. last night joe biden and his wife went to the movies to see "the girl with the dragon tattoo." it was a little annoying, though, when they showed the girl's tattoo and biden was like "is that 'the girl with the dragon tattoo?'" [ laughter ] "shut up!" "it looks like she has the tattoo --" [ laughter ]
listen to this. iran just announced plans to restrict web access and launch its own national internet. that's right, they are creating an internet that's totally cut off from the rest of the world -- or as that's also known, aol. [ laughter ] >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: man, did you see this? there's a new video online where a guy proposes to his girlfriend on the jumbotron at a basketball game and she actually says no. [ laughter ] the worst part is afterwards when marv albert was like "rejected." [ laughter ] he didn't have to do that -- uncalled for. i just read about this. wildlife officials in australia are apparently putting a 300 pound snake on a special diet. it's really paying off. take a look at this photo. [ laughter ] -- can't even hold it out. check this out -- a new study found that women become more sexually satisfied as they get older. [ cheers ]
that's actually pretty interesting until your grandmother is like, "that's true, you know?" [ laughter ] >> steve: how is your grandma, by the way? >> jimmy: what's that? [ laughter ] >> steve: how is your grandma? how was christmas? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it was awful. >> steve: what do you mean? >> jimmy: you didn't hear this? >> steve: hear what? >> jimmy: my grandmother got run over by a reindeer. [ laughter ] >> steve: when? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she was walking home from our house. she lives like three blocks away. >> steve: yeah, yeah, yeah. i know you were getting together with her christmas eve, right? >> jimmy: yeah, it was christmas eve. and i think she forgot her medication or something like that, and she was wasted on nog. [ laughter ] and she went out there -- we just thought it was fine. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: christmas morning wake up, we're opening the presents, the kids are all laughing and having a good time. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: and i go outside and there she was. [ laughter ] >> steve: she got run over by a reindeer? >> jimmy: i don't know. she had hoof prints. [ laughter ]
her face -- >> steve: disfigured. >> jimmy: -- her face was disfigured by -- hoof marks. >> steve: what about her back? >> jimmy: she was -- [ laughter ] interesting, she was topless. [ laughter ] and there were -- marks on her back. >> steve: oh, that's awful, i'm so sorry. [ audience aws ] >> jimmy: it was one of the worst christmases i've ever had. >> steve: sorry i brought it up. i didn't know. >> jimmy: the worst thing is -- >> steve: what's that? >> jimmy: i don't know if i should open up her gifts or send them back. [ laughter ] >> steve: that is the worst. >> jimmy: hey guys -- >> steve: rest in peace. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: -- welcome back to the show. i just saw this. jewelry from the titanic will be auctioned off here in new york to mark the titanic's 100th anniversary. that would be weird when your wife's like, "honey, these earrings are beautiful, where did you get them?" "some dead woman who drowned." [ laughter ] "he went to jared!" no, went to jared's funeral. [ laughter ] this is interesting. new research shows that children
who have good teachers end up earning more money as adults, while children who don't have good teachers end up earning more money as cast members on "jersey shore." [ laughter ] and finally, a new study claims that dogs can read our facial expressions to figure out what we want. which means that 90% of our facial expressions apparently mean "i want my crotch sniffed." [ light laughter ] we have a great show for you tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: oh, man. ♪ >> jimmy: oh, man. [ cheers and applause ] that is grammy-winning saxophonist david murray sitting
in with the roots tonight. [ cheers and applause ] that sounds great, buddy. here's his new album, here. "david murray cuban ensemble plays nat king cole en espanol." thanks for coming here, buddy. good to see you again. >> oh, thank you. it's fantastic to be here. >> jimmy: so good, so good. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: david murray, everybody. >> thank you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: we've got an amazing show tonight. hey, has letterman tweeted me? >> steve: i haven't seen anything. >> jimmy: he's been trying to -- i've been trying to get a hold of david letterman -- >> steve: right. >> jimmy: -- through twitter. and i just don't think he's doing it right. [ laughter ] he's awful at it. he shouldn't tweet, he should just call me. >> steve: he should just call you on the phone. he's got your number. >> jimmy: he tweets, he calls me "dude." [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: and he thinks "dude"'s going to get to me. like, he thinks that's my -- >> steve: that's the way kids talk. >> jimmy: -- that's my name on twitter. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: so he tweeted, "dude, my finger is bleeding." [ laughter ] and he wants to get it to me. so, somehow, some people got it to me. but i tweeted him back like, "i don't think you should be doing this." you should stop. you should stop tweeting, yeah.
and i just don't know if he's heard my word, or -- >> steve: you should call him. >> jimmy: why? i think he should make the first move. [ laughter ] but, we didn't hear anything, right? he's not on twitter, he didn't do anything? >> steve: no. >> jimmy: i don't know. well, dave, if you're watching -- i know you watch every night. [ laughter ] call me. we do have an amazing show tonight. his showtime series "californication" is back on sunday. david duchovny is here. [ cheers and applause ] you know him from "30 rock." the very, very funny, judah friedlander is in the house. [ cheers and applause ] world champion, world champion. and some great music from wild flag tonight. [ cheers and applause ] oh, they're going to rock it out. hey, guys, i mentioned earlier this week, this is huge. we're taking our show on the road for the first time ever. we're going to indianapolis for the super bowl. so excited about this. [ cheers and applause ] we're going to be doing shows february 1st through the 3rd and then a show sunday night, right after the super bowl. big-time ratings, yeah. major league for us. so we want to do something big
that week. so, we teamed up with subway and we came up with an idea that we need your help with. here is the short instructional video that explains all the details. check it out. >> steve: if you want to be part of the subway "subs across america" movement, just follow these five simple steps. step one. go to subway and buy a foot long sub. step two, go to the most iconic landmark in your area and take a video of yourself in front of it. >> step three. >> steve: have one friend stand off camera to your right side with the sub. have another friend stand off camera to your left side, catch the sub, then pass the sub. don't forget to smile. step four, load the clip onto your computer box and upload it to our website -- latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/ subway. >> step five. >> steve: congratulations, you did it. we'll select our favorite clip. and, that person will win a one year's supply of subway sandwiches and a catered party for you and your friends during the big game. so, be sure to tune into "late night with jimmy fallon" during our week in indianapolis, february 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 5th
to see your big-time face on national tv. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah, how fun is that? that's the basic idea. we really want to get everyone involved and get a clip from all 50 states. so tell your friends, tell your brother, tell your mother, anyone who can catch a sub and throw it. let's do this, america. [ cheers and applause ] subway "subs across america." we have a song for it, too. >> steve: what's that? >> jimmy: we have a song for it, too. it's a very nice song, a very emotional song. >> steve: how does it go? >> jimmy: i don't know it right now, after the whole thing that went down with my grandma. >> steve: i'm sorry. [ light laughter ] that must have thrown you off. >> jimmy: i can't believe you -- you brought it up. >> steve: i didn't know. nobody told me. i was on my yacht all christmas. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how is that yacht? >> steve: pretty good. >> jimmy: yeah. it's in your living room, right? it's a cardboard yacht. >> steve: it's a bed -- >> jimmy: it's a bed. >> steve: slash yacht. >> jimmy: hey guys, today is friday. that's usually when i catch up with some personal stuff, check my inbox, return some e-mails and of course, send out thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ]
so, just -- i'm running a bit behind. i thought if you guys wouldn't mind, i'd just like to write out my weekly "thank you notes" right now. do you guys mind? [ cheers and applause ] so nice. roots, can i get some "thank you note" writing music? ♪ [ laughter ] who is he nodding to? [ laughter ] what's wrong with that guy? [ laughter ] stop nodding. the camera's nodding back. ♪ thank you, newt gingrich, for focusing on attacking mitt romney so he doesn't win in new hampshire. wow, talk about a real caucus blocker. [ laughter ] [ coughs ] >> steve: mm coughy. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] thank you, guy who still says happy new year when i pass him in the hallway. it's january 6th, dude.
time to move on with your [ bleep ] damn life. [ laughter ] "happy new year, jimmy, how's --" slam. [ laughter ] "you gonna stick to your --" slam. [ laughter ] "did you drink champagne at the --" slam. [ laughter ] slam my window. >> steve: he climbed up your window on the 17 floor. >> jimmy: that's true. ♪ thank you, people who give bad gifts but include the gift receipts, for basically giving me an errand. [ laughter ] i have to take this thing back now? i never even heard of this store. floyd's. what do you get at floyd's? >> steve: -- you know, it's like a mishmash store. >> jimmy: hummel doll. >> steve: yes, hummel figurines, snow babies -- >> jimmy: knick-knacks. >> steve: knick-knacks. >> jimmy: there's a couple knick-knacks? >> steve: do you like snow globes? >> jimmy: you don't? >> steve: no, i don't -- >> jimmy: i wouldn't open that, then. >> steve: you like yarn? >> jimmy: yarn and snow globes. >> steve: yarn and snow globes. >> jimmy: is that what floyd's sells? >> steve: yeah. and bubble gum. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: thank you, advil, for being like m&ms that went to medical school. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that was cute. that was a good one. thank you, paintball fights, for combining the thrill of killing someone with the chore of laundry. [ laughter ] >> steve: it's called life. >> jimmy: thank you, creme brulee, for being a much fancier name than what you really are -- crustard. [ laughter ] crustard. >> steve: crustard. >> jimmy: new word. >> steve: yeah. i'mma get me a crustard. >> jimmy: "yes, i would like one crustard, please. [ laughter ] you want one too, honey? two crustards." [ light laughter ] >> steve: "any yarn?" >> jimmy: "you got any yarn?" [ laughter ]
it's floyd's. they have crustard, yarns and snow globes. great store. >> steve: fantastic. >> jimmy: going out of business? >> steve: yeah. it's been going out of business for the last 20 years. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, christmas lights on homes in january, for reminding me which one of my neighbors are lazy bastards. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] take them down. [ coughs ] >> steve: coughy. >> jimmy: you're coughing, too? >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i just asked. what's big deal? don't get mad at me. >> steve: yeah, i'm coughing. what of it? >> jimmy: [ whiney voice ] what's your problem? i just said -- >> steve: i want a gift certificate from floyd's. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: everyone's coughing. i'm just asking you. >> steve: i need a ice pack with a bandage around my head. >> jimmy: alfalfa. ♪
thank you, blooper reels, for never coming at the end of anything but movies. cause, you'd be pretty terrifying at any other job. "all right, folks, we've landed in denver. but, before we let you de-board, let's check out some goofs from today's flight." [ laughter ] goofs? thank you, turtlenecks, for either being a type of shirt or larry king's nickname. [ laughter ] ♪ [ laughter ] a talent i never knew i had. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, man in ballet tights, for putting the nuts in nutcracker. thank you. there you have it. those are my "thank you notes." [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody. welcome back to the show. thank you so much for tuning in. has anyone seen the cover of the new "us weekly?" it's pretty good. i love this magazine. this week they've got russell brand and katy perry on the cover there. and, which is funny, actually, because not many people know this. but, russell brand has his own show in the uk where all he does is reads through the latest issue of "us weekly." [ laughter ] yeah, he just sort of leafs through it and he comments on some of the stories and pictures. it's a fascinating show and believe it or not, we actually have a sneak peek of tonight's episode of "russell brand reads 'us weekly.'" [ laughter ] take a look. ♪ >> real sightings? that can't be true. scandalous. hello again. i'm actor, comedian, and noted lothario, russell brand. and here in my presence, is the newest of the newest "us weekly."
and what do i see on the cover but, it's me. a picture of me and katy perry. what does it say? "married to a crazy man." [ laughter ] really? i'm a crazy man? do these look like the eyes of a crazy man to you? [ laughter ] do they? ♪ salacious. look, she has pink in her hair. she once wore this as a hat -- [ laughter ] and i'm the crazy person. well, you be the judge. i'm not a judge. clearly i don't go to school. i don't wear robes. i don't have a powdered wig and uphold the law. i don't have a gavel. oh wait, i do have a gavel. a gavel is very useful, you know? i employ it to tenderize chicken and other assorted meats. ♪ sighting. what else do we have here? let's leaf through this periodical. page 42. what tore them apart? bad boy russell brand and california girl katy perry.
is this how a bad boy dresses? like a game of thrones character that shops at j. crew? [ laughter ] look down here on page 43. there's two pictures, side by side. these are the pictures you choose? is this really fair? it's katy in a skimpy bikini, in all her magnificent womanly voluptuousness. meanwhile, look at me. i look like a hipster version of ebenezer scrooge. [ laughter ] right next to ebenezer boobs. [ laughter ] ♪ lovely jubbly. let's turn the page, see what else is going on. jessica and justin finally engaged. good luck with that. [ laughter ] ♪ scandalous. let's flip the page, turn the page, as they say, page 32. stars are just like us, mischa barton reading the back cover of a book. reading. that looks more like an expression of pure befuddlement. [ laughter ] what, perchance, is this thing? what is this foreign object i hold betwixt my fingers? do i eat it? do i smoke it? do i put it under a the leg of a table to keep it from going
wibbly wobbly? [ laughter ] stinkily-winkily. another page turn to 52, and here is "the bachelor." excuse me. this is "the bachelor?" no, this is the bachelor. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: russell brand reads "us weekly." we'll be right back with david duchovny, everybody. come on back! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so every year my family throws this great reunion in austin. but this year, i can only afford one trip and i've always wanted to learn how to surf. austin's great -- just not for surfing. so i checked out hotwire. and by booking with them, i saved enough to swing both trips. see, hotwire checks the competition's rates every day so they can guarantee their low prices. that's how i got a 4-star hotel on the beach in san diego for half price.
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degree. it won't let you down. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest won a golden globe for his work as hank moody on the showtime series, "californication," which returns for its fifth season sunday at 10:30 p.m. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome david duchovny. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ god hates us all god hates us all
god hates us all god hates us all♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> that was great. >> jimmy: that was "god hates us all." >> oh, was it? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i didn't know that. >> jimmy: yeah. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's by slayer. >> yeah. you know what's -- what's weird, jimmy? i don't know if you know this. but there's, you know, what happened to your grandmother is actually a song. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you mean? you're joking. >> it's kind of a famous song. >> jimmy: you're joking. >> yeah. yeah, about -- just like your grandmother getting run over by a reindeer. >> jimmy: it's a sad song? >> it's very sad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it was awful. >> yeah. i mean, i'm trying to help you out. >> jimmy: all the family is dressed in black. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and we don't -- the whole thing. grandpa's handling it pretty well. [ light laughter ] >> i'm sure he is. i'm sure he is. >> jimmy: he's drinking beer. he was in the room watching football with cousin mel. >> he's a good man, grandpa, from what i remember of him. >> jimmy: he -- i don't know. >> grandpa fallon. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] that's -- yeah. so, they wrote a song. is it, like, glen campbell or
something? >> it's just an eerie coincidence. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i don't -- i don't -- >> jimmy: yeah. i got to download it and -- >> yeah, it's good. yeah. yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i want to hear this story. >> yeah. >> jimmy: 'cause i know you -- you recently went to jury duty. >> yeah, my first time ever. we got any people that went to jury duty here? yeah? [ cheers ] >> jimmy: my wife just did it. >> yeah, no, my -- my assistant told me that i -- it's a felony now and i should probably not try to get out of it, so i went down there and i learned a lot. i mean, mostly what i learned is that i don't want to break the law. [ light laughter ] because i don't want to be tried by the people that i was hanging out with. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: they're just a bunch of lowlifes then? >> but not lowlifes but there were some interesting questions being asked by we the prospective jurors. now, we had to go into a room and the defendant was already there and i thought this was a bad idea to actually let the defendant hear you speak your name. so, if you find him guilty, maybe he can go find you and -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> a get you so i walk in and he winks at me. he recognizes me. [ light laughter ] and i thought -- i thought, "yes, i'm going to get excused
right away," but the judge missed it. and i couldn't call back and say, "can you wink at me again?" [ laughter ] and then they were asking -- if you have any affiliation with law enforcement or would you give any more credibility to a policeman's testimony than anybody else's. and when it was my turn, i said i have no affiliation with law enforcement but i played an fbi agent on television for nine years. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pretty famous -- pretty famous -- >> no, i wish i had gotten that reaction, but i got, like, nothing from the judge. [ laughter ] the judge -- well, either she's really good at playing stone cold, but she said, "were you a good fbi agent or bad fbi agent?" [ light laughter ] and everybody in the -- and the audience i call them -- the other prospective jurors -- [ laughter ] they said, "good!" and i said, "i like to think so." and -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> but she didn't even excuse me then. not a fan. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so you had to do it? >> yeah, i had to -- well, i didn't serve on a jury because they were very interested in this one russian guy. i don't know why. but they said, "do you -- sir, do you have any trouble with
this man here? this defendant -- he's innocent until the end of the trial. do you have any trouble -- any problem seeing him as innocent?" >> jimmy: yeah. >> "he's not guilty unless he's found guilty at the very end of the trial." and the russian guy goes -- [ in russian accent ] >> "well, he's here for a reason." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's the people you know you don't want him on your jury. >> and they immediately wanted him you know? >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. >> so, that's the way they do it in russia. [ in russian accent ] "well, he wouldn't have been arrested if he was not guilty." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: big football playoffs weekend coming up. >> yeah. >> jimmy: are you a big football guy? >> i'm a small football guy. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] who do -- who do you go for? who do you -- who do you root for? [ laughter ] >> i'm a giant fan. i'm a jet fan. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: yep. giants got to do it. they got to do it. >> when i was a kid, for some reason, i was a huge minnesota viking fan. >> jimmy: really? >> just the purple, i think it was. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: where did you -- >> honestly, it was just the purple. >> jimmy: you grew up in new york, right? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, 'cause there's not much football here. my dad was not into football at all. >> no, you couldn't -- we couldn't play tackle much in new york because it hurts when you get tackled on cement. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] there's no grass really here, yeah. >> yeah. and one time, we got to play tackle one time.
we had a horrendous snowstorm, and then it started to melt out. and in the asphalt playground, it was like a slush. so, we got to play -- one time in my life i got to play tackle -- slow motion tackle on slush. >> jimmy: slush. >> but when it rained, indoors we would play this thing called donkey football, which is we -- in grade school, we had a -- a boxing glove and we played on our knees. >> jimmy: at school? >> yeah. and we didn't even get a football. we got a boxing glove to use as a football and then we played on our knees in the lunchroom. [ laughter ] so, would you like to see what it's like to play a little donkey football? >> jimmy: yeah, i guess. [ cheers and applause ] >> now, i want you to see -- >> jimmy: i have a -- a jimmy fallon flying party monkey, yeah. [ laughter ] >> so kick -- kick off to me. >> jimmy: and kick off? >> yeah, just kick off, and i'll try to -- and then try to tackle me. >> jimmy: with my knee? [ light laughter ] >> no, just throw it to me. just throw it to me. >> jimmy: all right. >> now, here's -- it's hard -- it's hard to make a move on your knees. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: -- there. donkey football? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, this is pretty fun. [ cheers and applause ] donkey ball. >> it's good. >> jimmy: donkey -- donkey football? or donkey ball? >> yeah.
we called it donkey football but if anybody -- if you can get faked out by somebody on their -- on their knees, you know it's -- >> jimmy: i did pretty good. i actually -- >> it's an amazing move if you can get by anybody. >> jimmy: next time you come on here, we're going to play that. yeah. >> well, it's best, like, 40 on 40. >> jimmy: yeah, we can set it up. [ laughter ] we can get -- we can get the roots. yeah, everyone's in. [ talking over each other ] >> i don't know. nobody will look like -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: questlove's saying no now, but he will. he'll do it. he'll be fun. congrats, by the way, golden globe nomination, "californication." >> thank you. thank you. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: coming back. >> yeah. >> jimmy: what's going down this season? now, the last season you went to new york. you left. >> yeah, i left -- the season picks up two years after the last season ended in "californication" time. and hank gets called back to l.a. after having lived here for a couple years and gets kind of involved in the hip-hop world. >> jimmy: i love this. 'cause -- >> i say hip-hop. >> jimmy: yeah, hip-hop. you're allowed to say that. >> i was saying rap earlier this morning. i realized hip-hop is probably the better term. i don't know. >> jimmy: i think rap is -- it doesn't matter. >> yeah. but i was with -- i was with rza from the wu-tang clan. he's our guest star for the whole year. >> jimmy: i love this. >> yeah. >> jimmy: so, rza -- you're
hanging out with rza now from wu-tang. >> yes, me and rza. >> jimmy: this is fun. i want to go to a party with you guys. >> well, you're -- you're invited. >> jimmy: thank you. [ laughter ] is it cool hanging out? you guys -- >> yeah. >> jimmy: -- totally get it on? >> yeah, and i went on the website because you -- they generate a rap name for you. a hip-hop name for you. if you just type in your name and mine is jive talking choir boy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what website is it? >> i don't know why. >> jimmy: i want to go on it. >> but then they say -- they give it to you and then the tagline is "use it wisely, soldier," which i like better as a name. >> jimmy: soldier is better. >> so my name is "use it wisely, soldier." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i like that one, too. >> my rap name -- >> jimmy: hey, can you go on there and try and find my rap name? >> use it wisely, soldier. >> jimmy: what is it on wutang.com? >> questlove: wu-tang name generator. >> oh. >> jimmy: wu-tang name generator. >> how do you know that? you got -- you got -- he's got -- you have a computer over there by the drums? >> questlove: absolutely. >> wow. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, we got computers all over this place. >> oh, there's -- i'm sitting on one. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's a computer. all right. wu-tang name generator. >> questlove: you are arrogant ninja. >> jimmy: arrogant ninja? >> oh, really? [ laughter ] >> that's not bad. >> jimmy: arrogant ninja. i'll take it, man.
>> that's not bad. >> jimmy: that's a good name. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's not bad. >> jimmy: arrogant ninja. it's pretty awesome. i love it. >> it's good. >> jimmy: hey, i want to show everyone a clip from "californication." here's david duchovny, you guys. >> the business of show has brought me to the left coast. and how could i pass up an opportunity to gaze upon my lady? >> relax. this one's not your lady anymore, hank. >> bates, good to see you wearing pants. how's it tucking? >> that's between me and your ex-baby mama. >> oh, she's still my baby mama and always will be. get used to it. that will not change. >> now, didn't we do this once before and it ended in fisticuffs? >> yes. and a good fisticuffs it was. epic. mm-hmm. in fact, i think we needed to do it. like men in prison, we had to get it out of the way. we had to do the man dance. just once. just a taste. so we could move on with our lives and become the cold war powers that we are today. >> is that what it was? 'cause i seem to remember you pissing me off to such an extent i was left with no choice but to take a swing. >> and i hit you right back. don't forget that part. >> no blood. >> sizable shiner. >> yeah, blood's more embarrassing. karen had to get you a towel, some ice, fresh pair of panties, too, right? >> still wearing them. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: want to play a game? >> yes. >> jimmy: all right. >> i want to play a game. >> jimmy: when we come back, david duchovny and i are playing a game. come on back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] when do you take 5-hour energy? when i'm on the night shift. when they have more energy than i do. when i don't feel like working out. when there isn't enough of me to go around. ♪ when i have school. and work. every morning. it's faster and easier than coffee. every afternoon when that 2:30 feeling hits. -every day. -every day. every day is a 5-hour energy day. [ male announcer ] 5-hour energy. every day. hands that feel soft and silky smooth! ooh...she's got the look. what's her secret? the gloves? dawn? i don't believe it. [ male announcer ] it's a dishwashing sensation...
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. i'm here with the one and only david duchovny, and we're going head-to-head in a random object football toss. [ light laughter ] yeah, of course. >> i almost went pro in random object football toss. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. yeah, i read about that in your biography. >> yeah, yeah. >> little known fact. >> jimmy: we'll -- we're going to take turns trying to complete passes of random objects to that target behind me. each object is worth one point. and the last object -- the money ball -- is worth two points. >> ooh. >> jimmy: high score wins. let's take a look at what we're shooting here. we have -- a jell-o -- jell-o football helmet there. >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> that is a helmet of jell-o. >> jimmy: we have tim tebow's book, "through my eyes." [ laughter ] >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: it's a great book. >> yeah. >> jimmy: jock strap. [ laughter ] >> oh. >> jimmy: complete with cup in
there. it's in there. >> yeah, it's in there. >> jimmy: yep. we have, of course, sour dough bread bowl full of chili. >> why -- what's that? why is that football? >> jimmy: just rad, man. >> all right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and then, look at this. the money ball is a shake weight. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i got this from your dressing room, buy the way. i took that from your dressing room. >> i'm not going to touch the shake weight. >> jimmy: it's never been used. >> it scares me. >> jimmy: it's never been shooken. all right. here we go. [ laughter ] >> here we go. >> jimmy: roots, a little music? david, you go first, please. go for it, buddy. ♪ oh. [ audience ohs ] ♪ hey, you're pretty good. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] yes! ♪ i'm going to have a good weekend! i feel it! i'm going to have a good weekend, man. yeah. >> that was -- that was nice. >> jimmy: that was pretty -- ♪ [ audience ohs ] ♪ [ audience ohs ] >> nobody throws a football like that. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: oh, that's true. you're right. what's this? oh, that -- oh, geez. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! ♪ [ applause ] ♪ >> that was -- that was -- that was nothing but net. ♪ [ audience ohs ] ooh. i'm sorry. >> jimmy: tie game. >> oh. >> jimmy: sorry -- yeah, yeah. sorry. [ audience ohs ] no. judges say no. ♪ come on. ♪ [ audience ohs ] >> oh! >> jimmy: all right. all down to the money ball. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] [ drum roll ] [ audience ohs ] [ sad tuba ]
it came all the way back. all right. come on. [ drum roll ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ yes! redeemed myself! i redeemed myself. >> nice. [ applause ] >> jimmy: david duchovny. "californication" airs sunday at 10:30 p.m. on showtime. judah friedlander joins us next. come on back, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we know a place where tossing and turning have given way to sleeping. where sleepless nights yield to restful sleep. and lunesta can help you get there, like it has for so many people before. when taking lunesta, don't drive or operate machinery until you feel fully awake.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a talented actor and comedian, who is one of the stars of nbc's award-winning "30 rock," which is back finally, next thursday night. [ cheers and applause ] i'm so psyched. let's take a look at a clip. >> good morning, mr. rossitano. i'm sorry you're going to hell. >> that's okay. how was your break? >> wonderful. reverend gary did the mass, and guess what? the world is ending tomorrow! >> and you're happy about that? >> oh, of course. i get to go to heaven and receive my reward -- 72 virgin margaritas. hold the salt. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go. please welcome back to the show the world champion himself, judah friedlander! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you can leave your hat on
you can leave your hat on you can leave your hat on ♪ >> jimmy: judah friedlander, you are -- you are still undefeated world champion, right? >> yeah. number one winner in america, right here. [ laughter ] good looking crowd tonight. you people are cool. i can tell the good looking people. people. >> jimmy: i know you're the world champion. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, your jean jacket says so. >> yep. sure does. shirt does, too. >> jimmy: your shirt says it as well. >> here's me karate kicking a spaceship. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. that's one thing i like about it you is because you're always constantly trying to improve and get better. did you -- >> i actually don't try. it just happens naturally, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it does. >> it's pretty cool. i just wake up -- >> jimmy: you just -- and improve. >> things just get more incredible. but now i'm into hobbies, you know. a lot of hobbies i'm trying to do more of instead of just breaking records and stuff, you know. [ light laughter ] one of my new hobbies is making movie sequels that nobody wants to see. [ light laughter ] do you remember the old film "stand by me"?
>> jimmy: i loved it, yeah. >> i just made a sequel. it's called "sit over there." [ laughter and applause ] i'm also making movie prequels that nobody's looking forward to. are you familiar with the classic hitchcock film, "psycho"? >> jimmy: yeah, i love it. >> i just made a prequel to "psycho." it's called "that's a weird kid." [ laughter ] you know, that kid's messed up, you know? something's off with him. >> jimmy: kid's a weird kid. yeah, yeah. something off, yeah. it's a prequel to "psycho." >> yeah. i like to -- you know, i like mixing it up, you know? >> jimmy: what about -- what do you think about the presidential election? these -- you know, the caucuses are happening now, the primaries. >> you know, i haven't been thinking too much about these guys that are running. >> jimmy: no. >> and that's why -- but i have decided to endorse a candidate. >> jimmy: wait. >> i'm endorsing the world champion judah friedlander for president. [ cheers and applause ] i'm starting a new party. the party party. it's a new millennium. let's party. [ cheers ] let's stop -- let's stop this america on america hate and let's all love each other, man. >> jimmy: oh, really? this is amazing. >> yep. >> jimmy: wait, so you were going to run. you have a platform. [ applause ]
>> i might run. >> jimmy: you might run? >> i might do it. i might do it. >> jimmy: now, what are your, like -- what are your, like -- what do -- what's your stance on things? >> well, you know, first thing i do when i become president is, i'm going to karate kick the vice president in the face. [ laughter ] let him know who runs this country. >> jimmy: smart. yeah. >> this country needs a leader. >> jimmy: now, why -- can i ask you -- can i grill you like a debate? >> sure. go for it. i'm ready. i'm the world champion. >> jimmy: foreign policy. >> foreign policy. i say we invade north dakota. [ laughter ] send canada and the rest of the world a message. if i'm psycho enough to invade my own country, imagine what i'll do to another country. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very good. >> why invade north dakota? north korea is doing nothing. >> jimmy: no, i got you. yeah. [ laughter ] immigration. >> immigration. i -- where do you guys stand? immigration. i say let everyone in. have a big party. you know? >> jimmy: all right, yeah. i like that. [ cheers and applause ] it's good. >> you know. america is made of immigrants, you know? but -- but, you know, unless someone's -- we have 100% proof that someone's a violent criminal, then we need border security. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i have a plan. to seal the borders, i'm going to hire the company that makes dvd wrappers. [ laughter ] if it takes an hour and a half
to open up a dvd package, imagine what they could do at the border. >> jimmy: no, i totally agree. that is genius. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> and if someone does sneak through, they get a free dvd. they get a free dvd. >> jimmy: they get a free dvd. >> takes them an hour and a half to open it up, and we nail them right there. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> solved. >> jimmy: you get them right there. how about gay marriage? >> gay marriage. where do you guys stand? gay marriage. for it or against it? [ cheers and applause ] okay. i say mandatory. mandatory. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wait, wait. what do you mean? >> yeah. >> jimmy: mandatory? >> yeah, if you're a guy and you want to marry a girl, you've got to sleep with a dude first. [ laughter ] i think that -- if you can make that relationship work, then your relationship with a woman will be really simple someday. [ laughter ] just got to prove your commitment to the woman and, you know, gay guys like sleeping with a straight guy once in a while and women love putting men through tests. so, it's a win-win-win situation. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is pretty awesome. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i got to say -- you also do this really cool thing. you invented or you -- i don't know if you invented but stop motion -- stop -- like claymation animation, didn't you? >> well, no. no, i -- back in the '80s -- >> jimmy: okay.
>> i was still world champion, but in addition to being the world champion -- a lot of people don't know this about me -- i was actually the premiere special effects stop motion animator in movies. >> jimmy: oh. >> and i started when i was 14. >> jimmy: we have a picture of you, i think. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: this is when you were 14? >> yeah, this is me. i'm animating here. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you had a full beard, man. >> you know, i have a lot of testosterone. [ laughter ] and when i was 14, i found a perfect look and i just stuck with it. here i'm animating a sequence from the motion picture, "battle of blipdorp." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's great. >> yeah. >> jimmy: we actually -- you actually are going to debut a clip on our show tonight. >> yeah, yeah. i have a clip. yeah, i do. >> jimmy: you do. >> i have "the battle of blipdorp." >> jimmy: blipdorp. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, here it is. >> yeah, this is made when i was 14. yeah, this is made when i was 14, and this is just a lost footage we found. yeah. >> jimmy: let's see if we can -- no sound really. >> yeah. this is, uh -- a snake -- alien snake trying to find that guy, and -- [ light laughter ] and now he's a security guy
watching things. and he's creating a -- a bunch of boulders there to block the attack that's coming. >> jimmy: very smart. >> you should probably be able to figure this out. i probably don't have to tell you this. it's pretty obvious -- the plot -- just by watching it. >> jimmy: yeah, i do appreciate it. what is that guy doing? >> yeah. >> jimmy: he's on the -- >> and here -- >> jimmy: -- the washing machine. >> yeah. oh, look at that, dude. totally got disintegrated right there. yeah. >> jimmy: great special effects. you are -- you are a really talented human being. [ cheers and applause ] >> and that's -- that's what aliens look like. >> jimmy: yeah. >> there's no cgi there. >> jimmy: no, yeah, that's what they -- >> that's a big deal. >> jimmy: that's what they look like. yeah. "30 rock" is back next thursday, 8:00 p.m. right here at nbc. [ cheers and applause ] judah friedlander, everybody! world champion. wild flag performs next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ sam adams at the peak of its freshness --
there's nothing better. our mission is to make sure when you crack open that bottle of sam adams, you're getting the freshest beer you can possibly get. if it's not fresh, we buy it back. we spend so much time selecting the ingredients and using traditional brew processes. we want to make sure everybody gets a fresh sam.
♪ when the feeling comes you gotta throw your weary body down ♪ ♪ come and take a picture of the witch oh she's gonna seal your fate ♪ ♪ all the things you learn oh you learn just a little too late ♪ ♪ okay all right ♪ ♪ ♪ if you want a thril stop staring with your camera eye ♪ ♪ when the feeling comes well you know it's gonna pass you by ♪ ♪ get level with the devil cause you know he digs your sin ♪ ♪ it's all gonna end so let's just begin again ♪ ♪ okay
all right okay all right ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on! that was great. come on pal, how are you, buddy? >> good, how are you? >> jimmy: wild flag, come on! that was great. thank you so much. check out their debut album, see them live on tour this spring. my thanks to david duchovny, judah friedlander, wild flag, once again. david murray in the house. and, the greatest band in late night, the roots, right there. stay tuned for carson daly. thanks for watg.